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Shoe Interventions and “Going Republican”

October 23, 2007

Tell the universe what you’ve done
Out in the desert with your smoking gun
Looks like you’ve been having too much fun
Tell the universe what you’ve done

Tell the universe what you took
While the heavens trembled and the mountains shook
All those lives not worth a second look
Tell the universe what you took

You’ve been projecting your shit at the world
Self-hatred tarted up as payback time
You can self destruct-that’s your right
But keep it to yourself if you don’t mind

Tell the universe where you’ve been
With your bloodstained shoes and your dunce’s grin
Got to identify next of kin
Tell the universe where you’ve been

Bruce CockburnTell The Universe

This week I was going to write about how fall had moved down mountain into the city. Here’s a shot of the tree across from my balcony:

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Pretty, huh? Yeah, well Sunday morning a group of us headed out for breakfast and this was the picture:

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Not terrible though, Monday it got up to 54 degrees and today it was 72 when I left work. I drove home this evening with my car windows down. But I digress. So this past weekend, Mitch played in a benefit for Magic Moments, a not for profit that has put on a show every year for the past 25 years. The cast always includes persons with physical and developmental disabilities as well as members of the theatre community here in Denver. I was conscripted to mix sound and of course the evening was a stellar success. Unfortunately, that was the evening that the weather turned here and I was caught in only a short sleeved shirt 🙂 .

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Mitch crashed at my place that night and Sunday is when we headed out for Breakfast. Afterward it was decided to do a shoe intervention on Mitch. He described his current footwear as something he, “loathed and hated with every fiber of his being.” The intervention was a success and Mitch walked out successfully shod. Not with the pair I picked of course, but shod none the less.

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Okay, those are the latest happenings in my life. From here on out I get pretty political and indignant. I would encourage you to read on however, because the Aldrich information is hilarious. 

I caught up on my DVR viewing Sunday between loads of laundry and did the requisite yelling at the pundits. Y’know, I keep getting these e-mails from well meaning people who want me to boycott Citgo gas because they’re getting a Russian weapons factory built for them by Putin or to boycott the new dollar coin because it doesn’t have “In God We Trust” on it. I find these e-mails rather irritating. If you think boycotting Citgo will change things rather than actual diplomacy by an administration that cares about advancing world peace rather than corporate interests you’re sadly mistaken.

I think I might have seen one of the most honest and insightful interviews with a politician ever when I saw Garry Kasparov, who is running for the presidency of Russia, interviewed on Bill Maher. He has a new book out and hopes he can change things in Russia as president. The whole interview was pretty amazing and you should take 8 minutes to click the link and watch, but here’s what he had to say about America:

…In seventies and eighties, America looked as a hope for oppressed people in the communist world. Well, now, America, that is applying double standards to different countries in the world, lost its credibility. And that’s bad news for all of us, because it was a stronghold for democracy. And now, it’s just a country which, according to many, is using democracy as a geo political tool to promote its own interests. Which is working against us in Russia and elsewhere.

We had then entire world behind us on September 12th of 2001, but six years later this is how we’re perceived. How was the current administration able to squander all that good will in such a short time? Now those crazy assholes are rattling their sabres and threatening to bomb Iran. In that link Cheny says, “Our country, and the entire international community, cannot stand by as a terror-supporting state fulfills its grandest ambitions” and that “the regime continues to practice delay and deceit in an obvious effort to buy time.” Does this sound familiar to anyone? Does anyone else have a strange sense of deja vu?

And while I think Ahmadinejad is indeed a whack job, the Bush administration didn’t seem too concerned when North Korea went nuclear. Apparently, the fact that Kim Jong-il has a concentration camp with 50,000+ men, women and children being held as political prisoners is outweighed the fact that there’s no oil under the North Korean peninsula.

Sorry, I seem to be rambling and I’ve already cut out several paragraphs of ranting. I do want to introduce you to a new phrase however. It’s called, “Going Republican” and was introduced by Tom Tomorrow of “This Modern World” fame.  He wrote:

The recent run of outed Republican Sexual Hypocrites reminds me of the moment — and I remember this quite clearly — at which the phrase “going postal” entered the lexicon. You read about one postal worker going on a gun rampage, and then another, and then yet another — and then suddenly it seemed to click for everyone, that there was a distinct pattern emerging, that these weren’t simply troubling isolated incidents but rather a symptom of some larger problem (i.e. the soulless monotony of the job).

We’re clearly at that pattern recognition moment now, the moment at which it becomes obvious to everyone that there’s more going on here, that some not insignificant percentage of sanctimonious moralizers are in fact leading personal lives significantly at odds with their public pronouncements. To put it politely.

Let’s recap that list just for fun, shall we? Most of this I lifted directly from a blog by a guy named Cessna395. It just saved me time from looking them all up myself.

Mark Foley
U.S. Representative
(September 28, 2006)

The Crime: Sending sexually laced, grammatically challenged instant messages and e-mails to teen-aged boys in the Congressional page program for more than 10 years.

The Hypocrisy: Chairman of the House Caucus on Missing and Exploited Children. One of the foremost opponents of child pornography in the Senate

Ted Haggard
Leader of the National Association of Evangelicals
(November 2006)

The Crime: Paying male prostitutes for sex and snorting crystal meth.

The Hypocrisy: A powerful force in the evangelical movement, Haggard participated in weekly meetings with President George Bush and top advisors where he gave spiritual advice. He taught that homosexuality was an abomination and actively lobbied against gay rights.

Larry Craig
U.S. Senator
Senate Liaison for Mitt Romney’s Presidential Campaign
(June 11, 2007)

The Crime: Soliciting sex from an undercover cop in an airport bathroom

The Hypocrisy: Craig twice voted against adding the words “sexual orientation” to the federal hate crimes law. Craig also voted to give states the right to refuse to recognize gay marriage–a right they already had, but the Senator wanted to really, really prove he didn’t like gay people.

Bob Allen
Member of the Florida House of Representatives
Florida Chairman of John McCain’s Presidential Campaign
(July 11, 2007)

The Crime: Offering an undercover cop $20 to allow Allen to blow him in a men’s room in a public park. After being arrested, Allen tried to explain that he only offered to blow the cop because the cop was a “burly black man” and he “didn’t want to become a statistic.”

The Hypocrisy: Allen was one of 21 Florida legislators to sign Gov. Jeb Bush’s friend-of-the-court brief supporting the state’s ban on gays adopting children, and he co-sponsored an unsuccessful bill that would have enhanced penalties for “offenses involving unnatural and lascivious acts” such as indecent exposure.

Glenn Murphy Jr.
National Chairman of the Young Republicans
Chairman of the Clark County Republican Party
(July 28, 2007)

The Crime: Murphy got a fellow Young Republican drunk and then spent the night at his house. The other young man woke up in the middle of the night to find Murphy giving him mouth-to-penis resuscitation. After this incident, a 1998 sexual battery report came to light in which Murphy was alleged to have done the exact same thing.

The Hypocrisy: Murphy was a well-paid political consultant for Republican candidates and often advised them to use gay marriage as a wedge issue to paint their opponents as out of touch with traditional values.

And the most recent additions, assistant U.S. Attorney from the northern district of Florida, J.D. Roy Atchinson. He killed himself before he had a chance to go to trial, but he was charged with flying to Detroit to have sex with a 5 year old girl, twisted bastard.

And of course my very favorite, Baptist Rev. Gary Aldridge, an Alabama minister who died in June of “accidental mechanical asphyxia”. According to an autopsy report, while apparently in the midst of some sort of auto-erotic undertaking he was found hogtied and wearing two complete wet suits, including a face mask, diving gloves and slippers, rubberized underwear, a head mask and, the icing on the cake, a dildo covered with a condom shoved up his ass.

What makes me take such delight in such a tragic and sad incident? Mr. Aldridge was a former FBI agent and in a 1998 interview on Baptist Minister Chuck Baldwin’s radio show, Mr. Aldridge was skewering the “scandalous behavior” of the Clinton White House and the Progressive Left in general. He said, and I quote:

One of the best kept secrets in Washington, D.C. today is that the Republicans, the conservatives, the ones who’ve been investigated by me anyway, have fairly conservative backgrounds with very, very little scandal involved in their behavior; past, present or future. And whereas, the other side the liberal Democrats, you should see their files, I wish you could frankly. But I’m telling you it is a circus.

And the events in their lives of unsuitable behavior, of outrageous bizarre behavior somehow or another as a society we’ve allowed these people to get away with this behavior simply because they say, “Well, we’re liberals.” You know, I guess they feel that the rulebook doesn’t apply to them.

And I’m an agent, like many of the other agents, who conducted these investigations, I’ve seen both sides of the street. The Republicans, … haven’t got a thing to worry about, there’s nothing in there.

Nothing but a condom covered dildo anyway.

So how about it people? I expect you to get out there and vote this year. What are you going to do? Vote for a progressive change from the hypocritical whack jobs? Or are you going to Go Republican on me?

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One Comment leave one →
  1. JSee permalink
    October 26, 2007 8:58 am

    Well! I’m just too pooped to pop now! That’s a lot of thinking to do for us folks that normally don’t. But I will. Promise.
    But I have a question: Did you buy any shoes?
    Love ya!!

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